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Monday

snow on the windowpane

you and her sitting in that ancient ol' cabin.
just you and her, and it seems hard to take it all in.
she's your best friend, but your love for her will disgust her.
so what do you do?
you can't tell, you hold back. and it kills you, but you do it.
so you wait out the night, because it can't be that bad, right?

you tell yourself that love is pain, and pain is love.
you ask yourself why, why you, why do you have to endure this painful love?
but who are you to question the laws of pain and love?
you are but a mere young soul, with an aching heart. 

the snow gathers on the windowpane, cold rushing through the air. 
she lights a fire, smiling, you smell the wood musk in her golden brown hair. 
you offer to get hot chocolate, she says yes. you carefully tip toe into the kitchen, holding back tears.
how much longer can you do this to yourself? not telling her the truth. it doesn't feel real, it shouldn't, but the truth, is only the truth. 

you tell yourself to be strong, as your heart aches in pain. 
holding the hot chocolates you walk back into the room, holding your breath. 
she laughs and takes the red mug, a playful gleam in her eyes. 
you laugh too and lay down on the cough, holding back that wandering urge. 

she asks you if you've ever loved, a question in the distance. 
you don't know how to respond, you sit there. 
she asks if you're okay, you say yes, but you want to say otherwise. 
you're not okay, you're never going to be okay unless you tell her. 

but you can't, you tell yourself, you'll throw it all away. you can't risk that, can you?
the night travels on, the air getting colder. 
you feel as if you're beginning to love her by every hour, every growing minute.
her smile, her giggles, her voice, even the warmth that radiates off of her. 
it's not fair, you tell yourself, it's just not fair. 

by midnight, you're staring into her eyes. her eyes full of life, full of joy. 
and you ask yourself, if you tell her the truth, will all that joy, that life, will it all be gone?
how much do I mean to her? she'll never accept me, never. she thinks of me as family, even more than that. but a lover? no. 

the snow on the windowpane piles up, somewhat like your love for her. it taunts you again, staring at you in the face. what triggered this taunting? you could be going crazy. but you don't know. 

it's the battle between mind and mouth, and you can't tell who will win. 
in the end it's who's strongest, who has more control. 
and you don't know if what you did next made you happy, sad, relieved, or mad.
or possibly all four. 

your mind is growing weak, staring at that snow, that white, lifeless snow. and it breaks you. 

I think I'm in love with you.


Thanks for reading,
Noor


i did something with second person again, it's not that great but i tried. i was trying to convey a message of some sort, i don't know if anyone caught on, as it wasn't quite clear. 

i'm posting this a day early as i will be travelling tomorrow and therefore not having an ounce of strength in me to post this tomorrow. so enjoy lovelies <3

14 comments:

  1. Did you base it off someone or something? It was really good! You could make a book off it.

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    1. I actually based it off of a story my friend told me about someone else and her. She sounded like she was going to cry when she was telling it to me and I thought I could put her feelings into words. Thank you so much Dani!

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  2. This was so good, Noor. I kind of relate to this, as I've had an on-and-off crush on one of my female friends ever since I've met her (the worst bit of it is she's pansexual also, so it's not like crushing on a straight girl where you know her hormones simply don't run that way, it's crushing on one of the few people you could actually be with, but who you know will never see you as more than a friend. *sighs*) Thank you for putting this so perfectly into words, dear. <3

    - Ellie

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  3. Lovely. Stunning. Amazing.

    *Applauds*

    It's honestly perfect <3

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  4. This is so beautiful, and so achingly sad that it almost physically hurts.

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  5. This is beautiful! We never see poetry like this anymore, it aches of sadness and hopelessness and... ugh. Gorgeous writing.

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  6. I loved the poem Noor. It was so beautifully sad and I really felt it. *applauds* AMAAAAZING! :)
    ~ Suzy

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  7. I'm pretty sure that I know the message of this post...

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  8. A lovely, sad poem. Well done Noor. :)

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  9. my heart broke with each rise and fall of your words.
    beautiful, noor <3

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  10. Hi Noor, I tagged you to do the Infinity Dreams Award.
    -Dani

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  11. really beautiful poem. "i think i'm in love with you" believe me it really is hard to say those words

    waNoire Beau

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  12. you writing just blew me away. the choice of words and everything expresses such a special emotion and feeling. <3
    XXX -nameless writing

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  13. Hi everyone!
    I am holding a holiday contest. All the info is on my blog. Please enter!

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