Thursday

Some More Writing

Hello everyone! Today, I thought I'd try to write a little bit of a story. It might not turn out to be a big thing, but I thought I'd write something!

So I saw the wonderful Envy write this beautiful second person writing piece on her blog and I wanted to take a shot at it. So this excerpt is inspired by Envy!
 
***

The air was chilling, the cold winter breeze biting at your face. You shiver and hold your arms close to your body, keeping in the body heat.

You make your way closer to the house. The winds are whipping away, tossing your hair in all directions. The white snow shields your vision and you can barely see ahead.

Finally, you take the first steps onto the snowy covered steps, weakly grasping the cold railing. You pull yourself up and slowly knock on the wooden door.

The door opens and he walks out. A boy, around your age, gestures for you to come in and helps you. His hair is jet black, his eyes sparkling like stars.

You nod and weakly gather yourself and walk into the room. You sit carefully on the woolen couch, delighted to feel the flames of the fireplace crackle and heat up your shaken body.

He sits down next to you and smiles. He hands you a warm hot chocolate. You take a sip and grin. He grins back and places his hand on yours.

You put your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. All you hear is the fire crackling and the soft pattering of the snow on the roof. You drift off into a deep sleep, the best sleep you have had in days.

 
***
 
That was all I could think of at the moment. I hope you enjoyed and let me know your opinions below! I'm completely open for criticism, so let me know!
 
Mkay bye,
Noor

22 comments:

  1. I really like this! :) The plot is awesome, and I can perfectly feel what it would be like inside the house. You also did a great job with second person narrative - that's usually hard to do, but you crushed it. :) The one thing I would say is that it wasn't clear to me at first what the weather was. I thought it was just a cold, clear, calm day, and then BAM - snowstorm. Maybe establish right off the bat that the main character is in a snowstorm. But, other than that, awesome job!

    - Ellie

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    1. Thanks so much Ellie! I really appreciate the advice, I'm so glad you were honest!

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  2. Wow! I can feel the fire and the warmth represented in the story. Nice job on the second person POV; that takes skill. ^.^

    xoxo Morning

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    1. Thanks Morning, I'm so glad you liked it!

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  3. I love reading introductions and starts to stories because they are so full of detail. The second person is such an interesting perspective to read!

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    1. Thanks BNS, I'm happy you liked my writing!

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  4. It's amazing! You're really good! Xoxo

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  5. Very lovely. I haven't read a good 2nd person tale like this in a while! :)

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  6. I like the contrast between the cold feeling at the beginning of the story and the warm feeling at the end! Great job!

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  7. Wow your amazing at writing xxx
    http://agirlblogx.blogspot.co.uk/

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  8. I love this! Super cute and gave me a little bit of the feels ♥

    Daisy ○ LittleKawaiiDaisy

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  9. I absolutely love your writing! It's such a cute story ♥
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

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  10. Such a sweet little bit of writing ! You are an outstanding writer!!!!!!
    Clara

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  11. OMG I loooovvveee your new design Noor it's AWESOME! Outstanding writing!

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  12. Hi Noor um I think you're a REALLY good blog designer so I was wondering If you could make one for me? I just want the background white and the name of my blog a light colour. Thanks please get back to me ASAP

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    1. Hi Noor, this is a pretty good descriptive piece. I like how you depicted the experience by describing the sense of touch felt by the third person such as the winds, the soft woolen chair and heat from the flames in the house. Good read. :)

      Dian
      The Happy Candle

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